Thailand's 'Zero Carbon' Adventures for Tourists

How to take a wrecking ball to the economy.

Bangkok Post article.

A “Zero Carbon” mobile application has been launched to help tourists and tourism operators achieve net zero carbon emissions by 2027.

The app will help tourists monitor their carbon footprint generated by their activities and help provide travel routes and methods that are considered net zero tourism, said Kiatchai Maitriwong, the TGO ExecutiveDirector.

The app will also provide a channel for people to buy carbon credits to compensate for greenhouse gas emissions generated by each activity. About 1,500 zero-carbon routes will be added to the app in the next three years.

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It will be optional. Just give it a whirl. It will be fun. Track your carbon footprint, sync the real-time results with your RFID chip. Bag some extra CBDC tokens. Win a meat and fuel allowance. Points win prizes. Prizes win virtue. Virtue gives social standing. Social standing enables ESG scoring. ESG scoring helps your social credit. Social credit equates financial credit.

Can’t be arsed? Got some dough? Just buy some carbon credits instead to offset your planetary murdering escapades. Enjoy private speedboats for island hopping adventures, diesel engine car rentals for road-tripping, whilst giving the holiday-goers using the app a pat on the back and a mischievous ruffling of their hair. Bless them.

The serially lobotomised non-player-character will dutifully install the app as soon as the double masked immigration officer at passport control makes the suggestion for them to do so. After a 13 hour flight from Europe, or a 30 hour flight from the US, jet-lagged, delirious from exhaustion, neurologically damaged from bio-weapon boosters, but still a part of something bigger. Saving the world. The greater good. One carbon footprint reduction at a time. Modestly heroic. Shamelessly flaunted. Gratuitously savoured.

These are our tourists of tomorrow.

2030 tales from the conscientious

Let’s put ourselves in their environmentally friendly hemp-fiber shoes, and envision their experience…

You flag down the electric vehicle taxi at the airport after booking through grab app, pass the triple masked driver your phone so he can glance at the address of booked accommodation; an eco-friendly homestay abode on the outskirts of Bangkok. It’s a hut built upon a swamp with no electricity or sanitation. Buckets and shovels are provided.

The taxi driver returns the phone and momentarily releases the steering wheel to furiously douse his hands in sanitiser, rubbing them together like Bear Grylls trying to start a fire in the woods before popping to the local 5-star hotel for the night.

A quick check on grab app brings a huge relief, showing that the driver is one of the good guys.

Hero.

The driver stops at an EV charging station after 10 minutes on the expressway, apologising for the delay. You only have to wait four hours for the car battery to recharge, it’s nothing. Take in the sights.

Arrive at the hotel, check-in and dump your biodegradable luggage in the hut. Wander over to the restaurant and tuck into a tasty plate of Koi Khai Mot Dang (Spicy Raw Ant Eggs Salad).

Update the zero carbon app - only a few grams of CO2 so far so good. But only you know that. The world should know too. Your phone has been juiced up by your solar powered power bank, time to blast out a quick tweet.

You’re up early the next day, since navigating the 1,500 zero carbon travel routes on the app. Chiang Mai it is. You won’t be stealing the future of tomorrow’s children by taking a one hour flight. Not on your watch. The lowest CO2 route mapped out will make quite a dent at 250g.

EV-electric train-bicycle-buffalo-walk-canoe = 3 days journey. Not too bad.

You eventually arrive in Chiang Mai at 10pm and need to let off some steam at the nearest bar. Savouring your locally produced organically fermented bottle of plum Soju, you’re tired and irritable, but the cause doesn’t sleep, and neither will you. Handing out zero carbon flyers to other tourists in the bar, you get into a slight altercation with a raucous gaggle of heathens, chewing on steaks and smoking hookah pipes as they laugh in your face.

Their ringleader taunts you by asking how you justify your carbon footprint incurred from the international flight you took to get to Thailand. You knew some smart-arse would bring this up. They always do. That’s ok, you’re prepared for this.

You calmly explain that not only have you tracked your own carbon footprint, but also carbon paw prints. As the up-keep of taking care of your three dogs is apparently equivalent to the CO2 footprint of a private jet, you tell this moron that you had your dogs euthanised for the greater good. This also helps offset the mission critical regular private jet chartered flights of Bill Gates attending climate conferences of paramount importance.

Link to article.

Momentary silence.

The ruffian calls you a psychopathic climate alarmist animal murderer. He angrily suggests that this is carbon eugenics, and that humans will be next in line.

You smirk quietly, knowingly, and walk away.

You’re already booked in at your local carbon neutralisation (euthanasia) clinic on the day you get back home. There was a six month waiting list because business is booming. Conscientious humans unite.

You’ve done your bit. Now sleep. Indefinitely.

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Remember when climate alarmists were once ridiculed in movies, and “fossil fuels” were defended as being necessary for humanity to survive and thrive?

One minute clip from Batman & Robin (1997):

“Your intentions are noble, but no diesel fuel for heat...no coolants to preserve food,

millions of people would die of cold and hunger alone.”

“Acceptable losses in the battle to save the planet!”

“People come first, Dr. Isley.”

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