Taxi Roulette

Roll the dice with Bangkok Taxi drivers and you might get a crackhead, a meth-head, a stoner, a drunk, a phone addict - or a super combo.

I studied the face of the grab app driver behind the wheel of his SUV, via his rear view mirror, noticing how bloodshot, glazed, and half closed his eyes were. He was twitching and scratching his face, double-masked, fidgeting around in his seat, playing with his phone; trying to follow the map to our destination. As he veered in and out of lanes around Sukhumvit, I told my friend in the passenger seat to keep an eye on the driver and thought we should probably exit the vehicle and try again for a better driver. It was 3am, and we were en route home after watching the football last week for the UEFA championship.

We made it home in one piece, then watched as the driver started and stopped, reversed, went forward, and made all sorts of erratic maneuvers as he left our drop-off point at a crawl.

I rarely drink alcohol these days, so often drive myself everywhere in Bangkok. On the rare occasions that I drink a little and rely on taxis to get home, I am putting my life in the hands of highly questionable driver abilities, and it is only getting worse as time goes on.

Last night was a late one staying up until 3am watching England vs Switzerland. I dumped my car at a friend’s condo then headed out to flag down a taxi after the match ended, wanting to avoid using grab app after the previous disaster. The first taxi driver I flagged down, wound down his window and upon hearing my destination started laughing maniacally and saying “200 baht” over and over (the meter start price is 35 baht). His eyes were bloodshot, he was slurring his words, and I assumed drunk with perhaps a touch of methamphetamine. I walked away.

The second driver I flagged down accepted the fare at the metered rate. He seemed ok. I watched his face in the mirror and saw the same bloodshot eyes half closed. If I had to guess, I would say either stoned or just completely sleep deprived. His head lolled to the side when we stopped at the traffic lights. He slapped his own face and rubbed his eyes in a desperate attempt to keep himself awake. Against my better judgement, I stayed in the vehicle, as I was so close to home. We made it intact. The fare was 70 baht, so I gave him 100 baht and told him to keep the change - I said very slowly and clearly in Thai:

“You look exhausted, your eyes are red, you have a high chance of having an accident. Keep the change and why not park up here and rest for 30 minutes?”

“Kap kun kap!” (“thank you”) he shouted back, beaming at me. Who knows if he took the rest I advised.

Day or night, most taxi drivers are playing on their phones incessantly, perhaps sending voice messages to their friends and family, getting notification alerts for their next ride hailed order via an app, or having full on domestic arguments with their wives via video call - with little old me in the background feeling like I am in their front room as a ‘third wheel’.

I frequently have to tell taxi drivers to stop playing on their phones, to concentrate on the road, or literally ask them to stop watching their TV show / movie whilst driving - either on their phone or on the built-in TV screen below the dashboard. They usually respond aggressively, becoming enraged that I would have the audacity to ask them to refrain from watching TV during the drive…

A few years ago, a taxi driver refused to put the meter on, so my friend asked him to stop the car - we got out and entered another taxi. The previous driver flipped out and came at us with a socket wrench, pulling back his arm ready to deliver a heavy blow with the metal tool. We had to kick him away, fending him off in the backseat of the new taxi. The new taxi driver got out and brawled with him, then the madman fled the scene.

When I first started working in an office job, I was traveling across Bangkok with a colleague to meet a client. Our taxi driver suddenly started grunting, his top lip receding to reveal his gums as he snarled at us, inexplicably. He pulled over into a remote car park, locked the doors, and just stared at us in the rear view mirror, making feral noises. We approached him with calming gestures akin to how you might try to tame a wild animal if cornered. We gave him 40 baht to cover the meter and then he grunted once more and unlocked the doors. We bolted.

Beware, should you ever need to take a taxi in Bangkok, especially late at night.

• Take a photo of the ID driver badge in bottom left of windscreen (does it match the driver?)

• Check the driver’s composure, the eyes, the speech patterns.

• If your life is being put in danger by their recklessness, ask them to pull over, pay the fare, get out, and try again for a sober / more responsible driver.

• The public transport links of the MRT underground train & the BTS Skytrain usually run until midnight.

It’s a concrete jungle out there, and it is not getting any safer.

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Nicholas Creed is a Bangkok based writer. All content is free for all readers, with nothing locked in archive that requires a paid subscription. Any support is greatly appreciated. If you are in a position to donate a virtual coffee or crypto, it would mean the world of difference.

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